Just Enough
by whatevweljnf
Summary: Jacob and Bella share the kiss in Eclipse, and suddenly everything changes. Her feelings towards Jacob are stronger, but how can she ever say goodbye to the family she once wanted to be apart of? Read and review!
1. Show me the way

"I have to leave," he whispered.

His voice yanked me from the vision and back to reality. My mind was in overdrive, and everything was once again up in the air. When I saw our life, it was everything I subconsciously ever wanted. Charlie and Renee in my life, the pack, Billy, Jacob, my kids, my_self._... Of course I had never thought of kids, or staying human at all, but seeing it right behind my eyelids really set things back into perspective for me. For once in my life, I found myself questioning whether or not immortality was what I truly wanted. Once I was turned, there was no going back. Would I want to be human? To breathe and feel and sleep and _die_? As Jacob still held me, secure in his arms, the idea didn't sound so bad. I could stand dying if his skin was the last thing I felt. His warm embrace, his soft lips, his carefree laugh.... He wasn't mine, but he could be. It would be so easy to do, just like our friendship was like. I tried to regulate my uneven breath as I peered up at him. His beautiful brown eyes bored into mine, still reveling in the kiss. I couldn't let him go down there to fight. What if he never came back? I couldn't imagine the loss of him...there could not be a world without Jacob in it.

I shook my head, defiant. "No."

He smiled, and stepped forward, placing a soft kiss on my forehead, then whispered in my ear. "Bella, you know I have to go down there. I have no choice."

I shook my head and shivered as his hot breath hit my skin, lighting me on fire. I couldn't let him go, not for this. "Jacob, _please. _I'm begging you. Please stay here, for me." Remorse swept through me as I remembered his similar words as I left him to go save Edward from the Volturi. How he must've felt...I truly was a monster.

He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on mine, and his hot skin melted me. "Bella, you know that if I could, I would. But Sam won't let me, whether I'm second in command or not...he's still Alpha. What he says, goes." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I would stay for you, though, if I could. I'm going to go down there, fight the vampires and I'm going to come back for you. Do you understand me? I'm going to come back to you, not a scratch on me. I promise."

His voice was intense, and I knew he was right. I had to trust that he would come back for me, it was the only way I could handle it. I heard a howl in the distance and I knew he had to go, but I couldn't seem to let him out of my grasp. I stood on my tip toes and placed a fluid kiss on his supple lips. I pulled back and gazed into his endless onyx eyes, trying to convey all the love I truly had for him. The love I only now realized.

"I love you Jacob."

With a smile, he let me go, and slowly backed away from me, into the cold forest. "I love you more." My eyes followed him as he retreated into the forest until I could not see him anymore. My eyes blurred with tears and I covered my face with my hands. I turned around, and headed back into the tent, unsure of anything. The sand colored wolf still lay on the bed of pine needles near the tent, his eyes accusing.

My fingers shook trying to unzip the tent, my sobs and heavy breathing making it difficult. Cold hands replaced mine then, opening it with ease, and leading me gently onto the soft sleeping bag. The guilt that overtook my senses in that moment grabbed me by the throat and wouldn't let me go. I couldn't speak and it was hard to breathe. I couldn't even bring myself to look at him.

"Bella, what's wrong?" His velvet voice was concerned and full of love. It pierced through me like knives. How could he not know what's wrong? Hadn't he heard every thought that passed through Jacob's head?

"I kissed Jacob," I whispered through a cry.

He was silent for a moment. "It's okay Bella. He tricked you, it was merely an act of guilt. There's no way I can ever be angry at you."

I shook my head, deflecting his words. It may have started as an act of guilt, but that kiss was everything. I didn't know who I wanted, and which life I wanted to be part of anymore. I had always been in favor of immortality, of being a Cullen. But now, everything was 50/50. My head was a jumbled mess of confusion, and I just wanted to be alone. I couldn't fake my remorse to Edward right now, not while I was waiting for Jacob, and while swallowed by guilt.

Seth whined uneasily outside, and Edward stood up, listening to his thoughts. He turned to me, his topaz eyes soft, "Bella, there's more newborns than expected. We need as much help as we can get right now, and Sam's asking for my assistance. Please stay here for me, I'll be back as soon as I can."

I nodded weakly and he stepped out of the tent, saying something quickly to Seth, then running off at inhuman speeds. It was disconcerting how things took a turn so fast. Just this morning, I was so intent on keeping Edward in my grasp, not allowing him to fight. Yet here I was, sitting alone in the tent as Edward ran off to fight newborns, while I thought more and more about the kiss Jacob and I shared.

My fingers came to my lips then, and I grazed them, trying to feel the spark of warmth that electrified me earlier. The kiss was so different from every one of Edward's. This kiss was open and strong and passionate, while Edward's were so...weak and reserved. With Jacob, I felt wanted and loved. His touch so hot, his kisses so..._human. _His lips were so soft and warm, and they brought me to places that were a reminder of him. They brought me to La Push, First Beach and his garage. Warm sodas, and sitting on drift logs in the summer heat. Times where he brought me out of darkness and into his sunlight. If only back then I would have made a real effort to come out of depression, I could have enjoyed his innocence more. Back then, he was just a happy-go-lucky kid, with not a worry in the world...no vampires to kill. Even now though, if I tried enough to bring back the old memories around him, you could see that the innocence was still there, just under all the heartbreak and pain. I sighed. That's what affected me most...his _pain. _It rocked every bone in my body when I saw the hurt in his eyes. We had such a strong connection, every emotion from one person could be felt by the other. _His pain, my pain_. And now after the kiss, I could also feel his _love._

Suddenly, I heard a sharp howl right outside the tent. I ripped open the tent's entrance, and saw the Seth wolf frantic. He looked me in the eyes, then pointedly motioned with his muzzle for me to climb on his back. I quickly obliged, swinging one leg on each side of his back and grabbing onto the fur at his neck. He lurched forward, running so fast that everything around me was blurred. I closed my eyes as I felt the contents in my stomach rise slightly. I could tell we were going uphill, further up into the mountain. Suspicion overtook all sensible thought and I opened my eyes, looking back to see a blur of striking red hair speeding after us. I closed my eyes and shook my head, biting my lip to muffle the scream. So this was it. I was going to die, and so was Seth. It was only a matter of time before she caught up and ripped us to shreds. I hated that Seth was dragged into this--he was so young, so innocent...so much like a younger Jacob. We reached a clearing then, it was wide and you could see the plush green grass under the thick white snow. It would've been beautiful if we were not running for our lives.

Out of nowhere, Seth whipped me off of his back, and stood in front of me in a protective crouch. I landed in the freezing snow with a thud, shaking with fear and coldness. He growled as Victoria approached, and howled again as she halted in front of him. She looked past him to me, smiling with hatred and anticipation. Her bright red hair had flakes of snow in it, and contrasted strikingly with the surroundings.

"Well Bella, it looks like you really know how to capture the hearts of monsters, don't you?" She sneered, eyes still on me. Seth never moved away from in front of me, and I couldn't stand for him to get hurt.

"Just kill me and get it done with, but don't hurt him," I managed to whisper.

"I have no intention of hurting him at all. As much as I despise werewolves, I'd really rather not harm him. I'm sure he's rather sweet as a human. If he would only move...."

Seth growled menacingly through his teeth

"...But seeing as he won't, I have no choice. You see Bella, when you get involved in the supernatural, you're going to get hurt. It's only fair that I kill you, seeing as Edward killed my mate." She took a step closer, daring Seth to make a move. But he didn't, he stood stagnant, waiting.

Before my eyes could adjust, she had whipped Seth across the clearing. He flew into a boulder and landed into a broken heap on the ground. His head lifted a fraction, then fell again, blacked out. I ached for Seth, wanting to run to him and help, but I knew I couldn't. She'd kill him next chance she got. She turned her head back to me again, and smiled a wicked smile. She didn't strike right away, as I thought she would have. Instead, she walked step by step, her feral movements accentuating her anger. Her slow and casual walk reminded me of Laurent's words in the meadow over a year ago... _But if you knew what she had planned for you, Bella...I swear you'd be thanking me for this. _I swallowed the scream that had built up in my chest, not wanting her to have the satisfaction. I closed my eyes, waiting for death to come, but a minute passed and it never did. When I opened my eyes again, her face was within an inch of mine, and I muffled another scream, not bothering to get my ragged breathing under control.

She lifted her hand up to my face and cut a long gash down my face using her sharp, granite nail. Her smile widened with satisfaction and she closed her eyes, breathing in my blood. She brought her face up to the wound and licked it with her venom-coated tongue. The gash seared with pain, unbearable _pain. _The smell of rust and salt filled my nostrils and clouded my vision. The venom trickled through my flesh like acid. My wound stung as if a million bees had left their mark. I closed my eyes, trying to blink back the tears, but they broke through my weak barriers.

"Please, just do it already," I pled, though it was only a whisper.

"Bella, living without James is painful, I'm going to let you in on the experience." she sneered.

I closed my eyes, wishing she would just get it done. Tears came as I realized everyone I'd never see...Edward and Jacob and the pack and my family. Everyone I've hurt, I guess this was the payback. I didn't care, I'd take it if it meant that they were safe. I felt comfort in knowing that no one else would get hurt. Jacob could find his imprint, or at least someone else to love. Edward could move on...Charlie could find someone to spend his days with. I knew that everything would be okay, that everyone would remain. I opened my eyes, confident now in my death. I would take whatever came to me now, however long it took.

"Maybe after I'm finished with you, I'll go hunt down your lovers. Edward and _Jacob_ is it? Tisk tisk Bella, I never thought you'd be one for a_ dog," _she laughed harder than before.

This brought out the anger more than anything else before. She knew nothing about my life or anyone in it. She didn't know that Jacob meant everything to me, that he had saved my life many times over. She had no right to say anything about them, and she was _not _going to kill them.

_"You can do anything to me...tear me apart, drink my blood, break every bone in my body. But please, please don't hurt them. "_

A snarl ripped through her chest and a grimace stretched across her porcelain face. She grabbed me by the neck at vampire speed and held me up in the air. There was no way I could get air to my lungs through this grip, but I didn't care. My body savored it's last breath, willing for a gasp more. My vision blacked, but not completely. For one second, I thought about begging for my life, but the thought passed without consideration. This was what would save everyone else. My brain begged for air, my lungs ached, my heart slowed. I heard snuffling close by and the rise and falls of giant paws.

In an instant, my neck was released and I gasped for air, filling my body with it's drug. I staggered and landed on my back, falling to the cold, snowy ground again. Snarls and growls and shrieks filled the air as Victoria battled for her life against a pack of wolves. I saw the russet wolf that was my Jacob and my heart fluttered. He was okay, I was okay. He grabbed her granite arm between his teeth and ripped it off, tossing it away. The other wolves ripped chunks of her body off and tossed them into a pile. Her high pitched scream filled my ears and made my heart race. Even though she was a clearing away from me, with the pack attacking her, I could not help but be terrified still. I watched Jacob's every move, so lithe, so graceful...and yet so menacing. He was a great Protector, it was in his heart, it was in his blood. I winced, wanting to shut my eyes when he went to tear off her leg. His teeth latched on, but she managed to kick him off with every bit of vampire strength she had.

"Jacob!" I screamed, horrified.

He flew across the clearing and into the same boulder as Seth, falling to the ground with a loud whine. He tried to get up, but fell back down when his leg faltered. Broken. I couldn't stop myself from running to him, and I knew no one else would either. The snow kicked up behind me, flying up and into my hair. I reached him as fast as I could and kneeled down to his eye level. I grabbed his face, and kissed his wet nose. Tears streamed down my face.

"Jacob," I whispered through a cry. He whined as he tried to stand, his shoulder sticking out unnaturally. He fell back down, spent. In my peripheral vision, I saw Seth whining softly. I scooted over to him, about three feet away, and wrapped my arms around his neck, placing a kiss on his nose too. I heard a growl coming from Jacob next to me. Laughing softly, I looked Seth in the eyes, "Thank you Seth. I'm so sorry this happened to you, it's all my fault. You were so brave, I would have been long dead if it wasn't for you." His sandy tail twitched then wagged and he licked my face. The growl from Jacob grew louder.

I crawled back over to Jacob, and put my hands on his face, leaning my forehead against his.

"You broke your promise Jake," I whispered. Jacob whined uneasily.

"I love you, more than you even know. You're everything to me. Don't ever do that again."

His eyes sparkled, and he nodded once.

For once, I didn't care what would happen from here on out. I didn't want to think about who -in the end- I would eventually choose. Which life I would be forever stuck living. Right now, it was just Jacob and Bella.

I turned around and leaned against his soft side, making sure first that it was uninjured. I took his paw in my hand, and it's warmth radiated as if he were in human form. It was comforting, it was home. We sat in silence as the pack tore Victoria limb from limb. She was piled and set on fire, the smelly smoke burning my nose like acid. Together, Jacob and I watched in silence, there were no need for words at all. We waited anxiously for his wounds to heal just enough to move. It was all we really needed.

In the distance, I was vaguely aware of the Cullens approaching. I knew they would disapprove of my close proximity with Jacob, but I didn't care. It was a worry for another day; one that may be in the near future, but one that would be pushed aside unless it was absolutely necessary to think about.

_

* * *

**A/N: **Well here's a little chapter. Not sure if it should just be a one-shot or a full story. Review and tell me what you think!_


	2. Let me see this through

**AN:**_** Hey everyone, I wanted to first say thanks to all who reviewed and added my story to their favorites/alerts. I really appreciate you reading my story. I want to apologize for taking so long to update, but I'm sure you guys are all busy like I am. Just thought I'd also note that I changed a little bit of the first chapter, so go read it. SO here's chapter two, and Bella finds conflict as well as resolution....**_

* * *

Things were different now. As if a thick cloud of rain was placed above our heads, we all knew that everything had changed. It was in our mannerisms, the way we would talk and interact with each other.

You didn't have to be supernatural with heightened senses to know this.

Every moment that Edward spent with me screamed desperation. He clung to me, watched me every second of the day. He'd let out a shaky breath as if it was his last. Like this day, this moment, would be the final for _us. _And I couldn't blame him; not for a second. For I _had_ been acting strange, and I did, and still do, have second thoughts. How could I not, though? How could I not question such an immense decision that was so absolutely _final? _It was inevitable, it was always bound to happen, whether it was after the change or not. Because when you obtain something you've dreamed of, you can't help but wonder when the surreal moment will end, when you will be awoken from your blissful slumber. In my situation, though, it's not a matter of when i'll be awoken from my fantasy, it's the self knowledge of exactly what this dream will cost me; exactly what I'd give up to attain it.

I knew I was right to question the situation now. I was aware that in time, the whole thing may become a looming regret, a seemingly selfish, impulsive decision. In fifty years, what if I fell out of love? When everyone is dead and I lie forever awake as a nineteen year old corpse. In that stretch of time, will I have wanted the life of a human? The life I was born with, the life I was chosen to live? Would forever get old eventually? Would I regret giving up the opportunity of life?

That's what held me back from my choice. Absolutely unsure of anything; so many questions with answers only given with time. _The one thing I don't have. _

It was especially difficult to analyze a situation when you feel extremely pressured. The Cullens had always been patient and caring, but I could feel their unease, and I knew they wondered why I was having such a difficult time preparing for immortality. Because they would never understand everything I was giving up; unlike them, I had a wonderful past, and I was _choosing_ to give it up. That would always be the difference between us, the subject we could never truly connect on. Like being human, they also didn't understand just how strong my relationships with loved ones were, and how incredibly important they had become. My mom and Charlie, how could I ever imagine never seeing my parents again? How is that fair to them at all? And worst of all--Jacob. Unlike the rest of the humans I was tangled with, Jacob would always know the truth, he would always know exactly what happened, and what I chose over him. It was hard to know I would be breaking his heart simply because I now knew that I loved him. Not in the way of a brother, or of a cousin; but of a lover, someone who you could be with for all the rest of time.

_ Maybe I didn't have to break him. Maybe I could give him exactly what he wanted. _

The turn of my thoughts snapped me out of my reverie and back into my surroundings. As if suddenly awoken, I surveyed the room in the Cullen house I'd been sitting in for the two days since the fight. It was _my_ room, technically, although it didn't fit my personality at all. With it's bright walls and too-comfortable pillows, it reminded me of a teenager's room. Laughing to myself once I realized I still was one, I got up off the bed and pushed my greasy hair still tangled from the wind of the mountain into a ponytail. My bones creaked from lack of movement, accentuating my thoughts of feeling old.

I walked over to the bathroom and stripped down, stepping into the shower and turning it on hot. The steamy water pelted my back like a massage, straightening out the muscles tied in knots, and relaxing me. Funny how much I loved heat, yet I was in love with an ice cold vampire. I shampooed and put extra conditioner to work out the tangles in my hair, then stepped out.

After getting dressed, I had made my mind to go see Jacob. I didn't care who disproved of it, I was going regardless. Walking down the stairs, I grabbed a set of keys and walked into the garage, ignoring all eyes on me and pressing the unlock button. I climbed into Alice's Porsche and reversed it out of the long driveway and onto the main road that led out of the town's boundaries. Turning left on the road to La Push, I felt a breath of air I hadn't realized I had been holding rush out. The familiar scent of bonfires by the ocean and the constant wall of pine trees lining the road was comforting in a way. Maybe it was because I was closer to Jacob, or maybe it was because I had past the treaty line, and I knew none of the Cullens could stop me.

The midday sun sent a flash into my windshield, temporarily blinding me for a moment as I turned into the Black's driveway. I parked outside of the garage that was disconnected from the house, and smiled as I saw mine and Jacob's bikes parked side by side from the drivers seat of the Porsche. For a moment I wondered why Jacob hadn't ran outside to meet me, but remembered stupidly that he was still probably hurt, or maybe he just hadn't recognized the foreign sound of the car. I opened the door and stepped out, placing my feet on the lush grass that was covered in snow. Walking towards the house, I inhaled and found peace in the familiar scents of La Push; so natural, so absolutely real.

I knocked on the weathered wood door twice, and when the door creaked opened I was greeted by Billy.

No matter the circumstances, Billy always offered a wide grin that stretched across his worn face. It didn't matter if you were a complete stranger, or the very girl who continuously shattered his son's heart, the grin was constant, and I found comfort in knowing that some things had never changed, even if everything else did.

"Well Bella, haven't seen you in awhile, come on in.", He offered, wheeling himself into the living room.

Stepping into the small house, I tucked my hands in my pockets and stood awkwardly by the kitchen. "Hey Billy, how have you been?"

He looked at me unfathomably, yet his friendly stature never faltered. "Always fine Bella, always fine. I think Jake's sleeping, but you might want to check. He might've just woken up."

With a quick glance around the room, I muttered a thanks and proceeded down the hall and outside Jacob's room. I slowly pushed the door open and winced when it creaked, hoping the miniscule noise wouldn't have awoken Jacob. I turned around and took in the room around me. His room in a disarray, Jacob's loud snore echoed through it's small walls, his body taking up his tiny bed, feet hanging off. He was covered with a quilt and he lay on his side, arm flung off the of the bed. I felt my lips raise into a smile as I saw his eyelids fluttering. _Dreaming. _

I wanted to let him get his rest, but I couldn't bear to leave. He entranced me, and I would've watched him sleep forever. To keep myself busy, I decided to clean his room, and I smiled with enjoyment when I picked up trivial things off the floor that were so, _so Jacob. _I lifted a shirt up to my nose and closed my eyes as I breathed in his scents; pine, forest, deodorant, and sweat. They were scents of a man, scents of a Protector. I threw it on the enormous pile of laundry and walked over to the bathroom to place all of his clothes in the wash. When I got back to his room, I continued to put things in their rightful places; a wood carving on his dresser, untouched school books in his closet, a smashed alarm clock on his bedside table. After hours that went by like minutes, his room was clean, and he still lay sleeping on his bed. I walked over to his side and bent down by his face, brushing his hair back and taking in his sleeping form.

"Bella...", He sighed.

At first I thought I had awoken him with my touch, but he was still unconscious under my hands. _He was even aware of me in his sleep. _I giggled softly and removed my hands from his face, his eyes snapping open. He shook his head and sat up, looking at me groggily with a smile spreading wide across his flawless features. He gingerly grabbed me in his embrace, his arm still being broken I assumed, and lifted me onto the bed, making space next to him. It may have been the smallest space possible, but being so close to him, his heat radiating through every pore, I was _home._ I snuggled my head into his bare chest, pressing my ear against his heart.

Thump. Thump. _Thump Thump Thump. _I laughed again, and his chuckle vibrated through his body and into mine.

"Bella. I missed you.", He sighed.

"I missed you too, Jake.", I whispered.

_"_I see you cleaned my room. I know you felt guilty for abandoning me the past two days, but really Bella. You didn't have to do that.", He said, playfully.

I could almost feel the rolling of his eyes.

"Well I had to find something to do while you were hacking the air with your snores. Oh, and by the way...I'm truly flattered that you dream about me. You should really learn to shut your mouth, though.", I said, stretching the truth at the last part and lifting my head up to meet his wide eyes.

"Well....I uh--"

"Save it, Jake. It's okay, really.", I said, grinning with satisfaction. After a few moments of silence, Jake was the one to speak first. His tone was more serious.

"So, why'd you come here? I mean it's not like I don't want you here, I'll always want you here, but I'm kind of surprised _he_ let you come.", His voice turning sour at the end.

I thought about this for a few moments. Why exactly did I come here? What was the purpose of me interfering with him while he was healing if I was just going to bring more pain onto him?

Unsure, I lamely whispered, "I don't know. I guess I'm just...confused."

It seemed like hours before anyone spoke. I felt like running from the room. He broke the silence again.

"You know, Bella, one day you're going to wake up and realize that there was never a choice to be made. That the obvious choice is to live life the way you're supposed to, like everyone else. One day, when you're a fifty year old vampire, you're going to wish you would have never traded your life for immortality. It's going to be at Charlie's funeral, or Renee's funeral, or mine...", he trailed off, whispering; his voice shaky, " And you're going to regret throwing your life away. You're going to see little kids running around and wish they were yours. Being a vampire may seem alluring now, Bella, but when you finally get your priorities in order, your going to wish you listened to me."

I looked at his face, but his eyes wouldn't reach mine. They were glued to a spot on the ceiling, and I could see unshed tears in the corners of his eyes. I looked down and saw drops of water fall onto his chest, only then realizing they were mine.

As his words sunk in, it felt like I'd been slapped in the face. Like the last year was lived through another person; someone selfish and naiive and _young_. I knew I would never stop loving Edward, and the thought of leaving the Cullens seemed foreign; something that was impossible. But when laying here next to Jacob, the truth of his words hit me, _really_ hit me. I felt a strength that was lost within me reach the surface, and I knew choosing immortality was not what I was supposed to do. I knew the Cullens would always be a part of my life, but that's exactly what I wanted; _life. _I wanted to lie here in the warmth of Jacob's arms, sleeping and waking up. I wanted his humor and his laugh and the feel of his skin. I didn't want complications or to have to hunt animals. I didn't want to be a crazy newborn for a year, endangering everyone around me. I wanted to be around those I loved, and love those around me. I wanted to be _flawed. _More than anything, I wanted to be someone's equal. With Jacob, we seemed to be made for each other. Although I wasn't technically his imprint, we fit. I loved Edward immensely, but I always felt like I wasn't good enough. I knew I was giving up a lot when I gave up immortality, but I would be gaining more by choosing to live. _Life is about minimizing your regrets. _

I brought my face back to his chest and listened to his heart. It was uneven now, lurching and slowing down, erratic.

"You know, Bella, no matter what, I will always", he stopped, letting out a shaky breath," _always_ love you. Sometimes I wish I wouldn't; I've tried to stop Bella, but it's not something I can control. No matter what you do, you'll always have my heart." The last part was a whisper, and his hard time conveying emotions reminded me of Charlie.

The words he spoke sent a shiver through me although I was burning with his heat. I couldn't believe that after everything I've put him through, after everything I said to him, did to him, that he would still love me unconditionally. Even if I hadn't invested any love back into him. He was beyond caring, loving, kind...he was absolutely _incredible_. There were no words to describe how much he truly meant to me. Without a thought, I pressed my lips to his heart and felt him tense under me. Slowly I brought my head up and looked at him, yet he was still looking at the ceiling. With shaking hands, I cradled his face in my hands and forced him to look me in the eyes. Faces a mere inch apart, I held his face and felt my eyes melting into his, getting lost in their depths. I could feel his devotion to me solely from his eyes alone, and I felt my heart flutter. It was a reminder of my future, my life; _humanity._

I held his eyes in a tight hold and heard my strong, sure voice echo through the room.

"I choose you."

And our fevered lips touched.

* * *

**AN: **_**To continue or not to continue? Your reviews will let me know! :)**_


	3. Don't Forget

**AN: I first want to say thank you guys SO SO much for the reviews. They really mean a lot to me and inspire me to write. So here's chapter three, I hope you all enjoy. **

**-Rachel**

**

* * *

  
**

It was four o'clock in the morning, the sun had not yet risen, and I lay awake in the crook of Jacob's arms, soaking up the heat and rising and falling with him for each breath he took. I should have been extremely at ease and comfortable, but a million different concerns were racing through my head and I could never seem focus on a single thought. One worry that had passed through my mind several times, although I couldn't quite call it regret, was worry. Overall, I was worried about many things, the main few being whether I had made the right choice, and ultimately how Edward would react to it. I tried to convince myself that I wouldn't care how he reacted either way. He could give up and let me go with good grace, or he could fight it --fight Jacob-- presumably until the end. I tried not to think about the latter, and focused more on how _I myself _would handle saying goodbye to not only him, but the rest of the Cullens as well. It would undeniably be difficult, mostly trying to keep my emotions together as I say goodbye. I would ask them to keep in contact, and I wouldn't know how to prepare myself if they denied my request. No matter what would happen, I told myself, I knew I had to keep it together and go through with it. It was the only way I could properly_ live_, keep Jacob happy, and ultimately not give up everyone who had touched my life. This included Charlie and Renee', Angela and Jessica, but it also included the wolves. Embry, Quil, Jared, Sam...they meant the world to me. Hurting Edward was almost unthinkable. But Jacob was worth it, even if I wasn't. _I had to do this. _

Jacob's harsh snore tore through the stagnant air and brought me out of my thoughts. I envied him for being able to sleep; I had not closed my eyes for a second since last night. I let my mind wander through what had transpired after the dinner I made for Jake and Billy...

_My breath was heavy now, almost at a pant. I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling as hands of fire worked up my body, coming to my sides and leaving every pore it touched an inferno of heat. His face was in front of mine now, and I watched as his plump lips descended onto mine ever so softly, like he was treasuring the sensation. I melted into him, and my hands went up to grasp his face just as I lifted my body up to bow against his. His face was soft, yet prominent and defined. I traced a crescent shaped scar on his cheek as my other hand ventured down his neck and onto his muscled back. My lips molded his, embracing them with a sweet desperation as we explored each others mouths, tasting each others' breath. It was as if I had touched no one else. In this moment, there was nothing but Jacob and Bella. The only problem that existed was stopping to catch another breath. The only words exchanged were sweet ones, of love and contentment. At this time, no one was supernatural, no one was in love with anything else, and no one was convincing anyone to stay. Right now we just __**were**__, and there was nothing left to be explained._

The train of thought made me stomach flip, and I looked up at the sleeping man who held me in his arms. His chin-length hair framed his perfectly smooth face, his supple lips slightly pursing against his darkly tanned skin. I smiled, absolutely in love. It somehow made my chest ache for the Cullens, especially Edward, even more.

After an hour of going through scenarios of talking to Edward in my head, I decided it was time to go and face the Cullens. Although it was only five in the morning, I really just wanted to get this over with. I didn't want to have them worried for any longer than they had to be, and I especially didn't want them to come here on the reservation themselves. I tried to wiggle out of Jacob's grasp, but he held on tighter, instinctively, even in his dreams. It was hard to breathe now, so I had no choice but to wake him from his sleep.

"Jake", I whispered, tapping his arm lightly.

No response.

"Jacob", I said louder. No sound came aside from the uneven beat of my heart.

"Jacob!" I hissed.

This time, he responded with a half-asleep "Hmph".

"Jacob, come on, please wake up." I said desperately, letting my tired head fall onto his chest.

"Jesus Bella what time is it?" He asked groggily.

"Five."

"And why are you trying to get me up?" He laughed quietly, still half unconscious.

"I need to see the Cullens."

Jacob quickly sat up, and I brought myself up from his chest to face him. His tired expression and hair in a disheveled array, I couldn't contain my laughter and be serious, even if his cold tone was.

"No, you're not going there."

I laughed and brought my hand up to his hair, trying to pat down the unruly strands that didn't want to stay down. His eyes never left my face, I could feel it. As I attempted to fix his hair, he put his hands on my waist and pulled me into his lap. His put his arms around me, his chin on my head. I could have stayed there forever.

"Bella, please don't go." I could hear the unmasked desperation in his voice.

"Come on Jake, I'm not going to go running back to him. You know that."

"Do I?"

Even with my back towards him, I could almost imagine how vulnerable his face was in this moment. It made my heart ache more than ever.

"I can't hide from them forever, and I just want to get this over with already. All I'm going to do is talk to Edward, say goodbye and...that'll be it." My voice faltered at the end because there was a knot in my throat that made it impossible to speak.

He sighed and I felt his hot breath on my scalp. It felt so good to be wrapped in warm arms for once.

"I don't want to let you go." The sadness in his voice was another stab in the heart. I couldn't help but turn around to face him this time.

I brought my hands up to his face and held his eyes to mine. The depths of his dark amber eyes were extraordinary, I felt like I could read into his soul and he could read mine. Like a connection that only we had in this world. When we locked eyes, I was in a trance; unable to look away from everything they were trying to tell me. I had to assure him that I would never give up looking into these eyes forever.

"Jacob you have to believe me when I say that I'm not going to leave you." I whispered.

His gaze never left mine, and I felt the urge to continue.

"When your eyes catch mine Jacob, I can't let them go. They're so passionate so..._you. _I never want to look away from them because I want to always be able to see into your soul."

I could feel my eyes start to water with emotion. I slid my hand over the crescent scar on his cheek.

"These scars are a reminder of who you are. Aside from the fact that you're an amazing person, these scars prove your true identity. It's in your blood to be a Protector, and I couldn't imagine you any other way. _I love you for it."_

I continued to make my way down his face, pointing out everything that I could never be able to live without again.

"Jacob, I love _everything about you_. But you know what the one thing that I want to live forever with?"

He shook his head and the corners of lips turned up into a wistful half smile. I couldn't resist the urge to bring my lips to his and touch them, if even for a second. They were soft, welcoming, and it felt like home. I pulled my face away and stared back into his eyes.

"That," I breathed. "You don't understand how much your smile affects me." I let out a shaky breath, feeling like I was leaving my self open to fresh wounds. "When I'm saying goodbye to Edward today, I know I'm not going to change my mind."

In a quiet, quiet voice, Jacob said, "You don't know that, Bella."

"No I do! I know I'm not going to go back to Edward because I know who I am when I'm with you!" My hands were on his face again, trying to convey everything I was trying to say. I was starting to get frustrated with the fact that he wouldn't believe me. I continued.

"I like who I am when I'm around you. I'm happier, I feel light. I'm supposed to be with you, I know that now." My voice was shaking, uncontrollable and on the verge of tears. "When I'm with you, I don't care how long I live or if I get old! I'd take that. Now that I know how my life would be with you, I never want to give it up. I don't care if Edward offered me immortality today, I wouldn't trade it for_ this!_" I felt hot tears trickling down my face, and right now, I didn't care. With Jacob, I was always vulnerable. He just loved me enough to make me stronger instead of breaking me down.

"I know I was wrong before Jacob, and I know you have reason not to trust me. But believe me when I say that I'm staying with you. I love your warmth and your smiles and your stupidity!" I laughed through my tears, and he laughed softly too. "I want to stay here in your arms forever, because you feel like comfort and home. This is what I want. I would rather die in the hands of fate than live a miserable eternity as a vampire."

I was looking down into my lap now, so ashamed of everything I did to him. I felt like I had ruined any chance at a relationship because of my fickle uncertainty. I didn't deserve Jacob, I had known that from the beginning. He was an amazing person, way too good for me. I knew he shouldn't love me, but I was greedy enough to tell him how much I couldn't live without it.

I felt a warm hand lift my chin up to meet his eyes and I didn't fight him when he pressed his warm lips to mine with a ferocity that conveyed his acceptance. In the space of his small bed, he was everywhere. Our legs entwined, our hands in each others' hair, pulling closer when there was not a centimeter of space to stretch. In this moment, I was in another world altogether; one where all our problems were forgotten, and the only feeling I had was that of his hands like fire on my body, just like his lips that set mine ablaze. His mouth was alive over mine, lips hot, tongue flicking against my teeth, hands now on my lower back, bracing me. I kissed him harder, I could feel my breath huffing into his mouth and I bit his lower lip. A growl escaped his mouth into mine, and I let out a low moan in response. His lips explored now, blowing soft kisses down to my neck, and then back up to my earlobe where he grazed and nipped it lightly with his teeth. My mind was fogged over with desire and affection, so it made it hard to comprehend when he whispered softly in my ear. "Go. And when you're looking into his eyes, imagine mine. When you're falling under his spell, remember how this kiss felt, and how much you're gaining by giving him up. Don't forget this Bella."

I could feel him pulling away, but my hands clung to him tighter, now never wanting to leave. His eyes matched my desire, but he didn't give in.

"Bella, just get this done."

I nodded solemnly, suddenly scared to go and face the Cullens. It would be a disaster, I knew it would be, but I had to just get it over with. I looked into Jacob's eyes as he stood up, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet. He walked me outside into the dawn's cold embrace, a sliver of the sun just appearing over the horizon. I climbed into the Porsche and started it up, it's low hum reverberating through my body. Jacob tapped on the window and I rolled it down. He leaned in and placed his lips on mine once more. I closed my eyes as our lips moved together lightly, ending too soon enough to satisfy me. When he pulled away, I pressed my lips together tightly as if trying to lock the kiss inside of me. He stepped away and I put the Porsche in gear, languidly maneuvering it out of the dirt driveway and onto the road. As I drove away, I looked in my rearview mirror to see Jacob wave once, and I felt a sharp, obscure pain of loss in my chest.

Like a piece of my heart had been left behind.

* * *

_**Continue or not? Your reviews will let me know!**_


	4. Give me the strength

**AN: I want to thank everyone who reviewed, first of all. Your feedback makes me write, and it's inspiring to see people out there who care about what I have to say. I'm going to go out there and say, though, that I would totally love each and every one of you forever if you all wrote a review. Just a few seconds of your time really means a lot to me! **

**Anyway, I spent all night writing this. I found it hard because I just don't know how to write about the Cullens. I'm a rez girl, what can I say? Hope you enjoy!**

**Always,**

**Rachel**

**

* * *

  
**

There were times in the recent past when I would think about all that's happened and wonder what life would be like if I had never moved to Forks. Sometimes it's intriguing to think that if I would have never moved here, I would be just any other normal teenage girl. The idea made me want to laugh; normalcy was so foreign in my life. I knew I was put in this place because I could never be like any one else. I had to be thrown in to problems, and cause them as well.

Right now, I was on my way to the Cullens. It was hard to drive.

No, tears weren't pouring from my eyes, I was actually kind of numb. Like before, after Edward left me, and after I had woken up from the months of being completely unaware of anything. I couldn't concentrate because I had no idea what I was going to say to Edward. _ "Oh hey Edward, here's your ring back. I'm just going to say bye to you now, then go back on the reservation and live happily ever after with your mortal enemies. Thanks for everything!"_

Yeah. That would fly over well.

Trees were whizzing by all too fast, and I was quickly approaching their house. My palms were slick with sweat, and my grip on the steering wheel slackened. I breathed in the stagnant air of the Porsche and tried to stop my hands from shaking. But I knew that whatever I did at this point wouldn't help me at all; freaking out was inevitable.

On my right, I located the small clearing in the trees that was their driveway, and I pulled through it. Their massive white house came into view and I tried to swallow the lump that was forming in my throat. I knew they all heard me as I drove up, but no one appeared. This somehow worried me more.

I parked in front of their house, turning the ignition off and sitting there; too much of a coward to get it done with. It was kind of an out of body experience. I felt as though I wasn't attached to my body, like saying good bye to Edward was something I would never, ever do. At one point in my life, this was true. There was a time when the thought of leaving him was unthinkable. When I was too young to see that there was more to life than living forever.

I heavily climbed out of the Porsche and locked it behind me, walking up the path to their front door. I climbed the steps slowly, like I was walking towards the end of all that was good. I raised my hand up to knock, but the door whipped open before my hand could even swing forward. Alice appeared in front of me in her usual cheerful manner. I was comforted a little by the fact that she didn't appear to be angry at me.

"Bella!" She exclaimed, rushing forward and capturing me into a hug. Her cold hands found their way around me, and I tried not to recoil from their touch.

"Hey Alice", I said quietly, trying make my voice as cheerful as possible. But even I could detect the sadness that seeped out.

It hit me now, how much I was giving up to be human. Every one of the Cullens would be missed just as much as Edward, they were a family to me, and I was about to tell them goodbye. I couldn't think about it, about saying goodbye to them. It was like saying good bye to your mother, or sister. Something absurd, something you'd never have to do. I felt my eyes water, and I bit my lip down to try to hide the cry that was about to escape my lips.

"Bella are you alright?" Her voice was laced with genuine concern, and that only made me feel sicker. I couldn't even bear to stand here and talk. Not when I knew what I was about to do to all of them, and Edward. I didn't want to face them longer than I had to.

"Can I talk to Edward?" My voice was shaky now, quiet and unsure. I continued to look down simply because I knew my eyes would say everything I didn't want Alice to know.

Before either of us could say anything, Edward appeared beside her. I looked up, trying to be as stoic as possible, and saw his golden eyes shaped into worry.

I held his eyes to mine, and didn't want to hurt him by looking away. I stared into their intensity, so much that I saw nothing. "Can we talk?"

My voice sounded like it belonged to someone else, it was stronger this time.

I heard his lithe footsteps descend the stairs, and his frozen hand weaved it's way through my fingers. The cold was unpleasant now, I yearned for the rough, warm hand that had captured mine lately. We walked to the edge of the forest before we passed the small river by a clearing. I found this whole situation ironic. I remembered him leaving not so long ago, and it hurt to think that I would be doing the same thing to him. No one deserved to be hurt like that, I knew this more than anyone. I knew exactly how much it affected you, broke you into pieces. Too soon, we stopped, and he let my hand go so he could face me.

When he didn't say anything, I spoke up. My feet were kicking idly at the snow, finding some distraction when there was nothing but vast silence between us. I looked up, simply because I knew he deserved to be looked in the eye when I broke his heart.

"Edward, I'm going to stay human." My voice echoed through the forest, emphasizing.

Time stood still, it went on forever and yet not at all. He nodded slowly, looking at nothing in the distance. His voice seemed colder, harder, broken. "Without me."

It wasn't a question.

I swallowed the lump in my throat thickly before I spoke as clear as I could, "Yes."

I looked into his eyes again, seeing their broad horizons of truth, honesty, devotion. Without saying a word, he could tell me just how much this was breaking him. He didn't want to make this harder for me, but this was a death sentence for him. I could see it, as clear as day in his golden-flecked eyes. There was a hint of longing in their depths, like he wished he could be human with me. This hurt me more because, in a way, I wished he could too. It would be simple, but it was a path that would never, ever exist. We were from two different wolds, incompatible with each other. He knew that, I knew that; but it was hard to let go.

I saw him visibly swallow and shake his head ever so slightly, in denial. In a whisper, he said, "What went wrong?"

This caught me off guard completely, it seemed like he was blaming himself. Like the reason I was leaving him was because of something he did. I didn't understand this at all, he knew as well as I did that this was a personal decision.

I shook my head quickly, raising my voice a little. "Nothing went wrong, I just finally decided what I wanted."

At first, he didn't do or say anything. He was still, truly as a vampire, and I wondered if he had heard me at all. Then he stepped forward, wrapping me in his arms and pressing his cold, frozen lips to me forehead for the last time. His lips stayed there for a moment, before he pulled away and looked me in the eyes. They were full of sadness and despair and I found myself getting lost in them. I began to question leaving him at all, questioning humanity and immortality and love.

Out of nowhere, Jacob's voice echoed in my head. "_Don't forget this, Bella._"

I forced my eyes closed for a second before opening them wide again. Instead of Edward's endless pools of golden, I imagined Jacob's pools of onyx beauty. I imagined his smile and his carefree laugh. La Push's warm bonfires on the beach with the friendly people that were my family. I imagined the sun, hitting me with it's rays that felt so much like Jacob's skin. I heard my heart, just as I heard Jacob's. We were human together, and there was nothing more in this world that I wanted. I smiled slightly, finding the strength within me to let Edward go.

His eyes followed my lips curving into a smile and before I could protest, he came forward and pressed his stone lips to mine. It seemed so foreign now, kissing him. There was no movement or life at all. His arms came around me, savoring this moment because it was our last. He continued to kiss me for a few seconds, trying to change my mind, but with no avail. He knew it was over, he was just trying to win a losing battle.

He stepped away then, looking at me one last time. He seemed truly dead now, there was no light in his features at all. I wondered what this would do to him, and I hoped he wouldn't do anything drastic. But I didn't want to think about it. I knew that I needed to focus on my future and let whatever would happen, happen. It was a sad moment, but it was something that I couldn't bring myself to change.

Without a word, I slipped off the beautiful wedding ring that sat on my finger like a rock. Time went slowly, like this was tangible proof that I was saying goodbye. If it didn't feel real before, this is what made it reality. Like erasing the path of immortality altogether, I let the ring drop into the palm of Edward's hand. He closed his hand around it so tightly that I was sure the ring had been crumbled to dust. He opened his palm and turned it over, letting the remains of the ring float to the ground like microscopic pieces of fairy dust. Over everything else I had experienced, this was what broke my heart more than anything before. Seeing Edward crush the ring was a sign of him giving up on love forever. This wasn't what I wanted, but I couldn't find my voice to say anything. If I opened my mouth, he might find the stand of vulnerability that cause me to give up everything I had recently fought for.

"I'll always love you Bella." He let out an unsteady breath, as if he found it hard to breathe. "Be careful."

My voice was so quiet that, even though he was a vampire, I wasn't sure he heard it. "You'll always have a piece of my heart."

His crooked smile was so sad that it was unfathomable.

And just like that, with a rush of the wind and the rustle of the leaves, he was gone. There was no trace of him ever existing except for the piece of my heart he held and took with him as he disappeared into the forest. He was gone, presumably forever, and for a second I thought about chasing after him, just as I did all that time ago. But this time I knew that I had to stay strong and move on. I had a life to live now, I owed it to myself and to everyone I loved. In the end, this is what was destined to happen. I was confident in the fact that this was not a mistake. For if there was any trace of uncertainty, my will would falter, and I would end up saying goodbye to the only life I had ever known. I turned my back, walking away from my past love, my past _life_ altogether. Looking up at the tree-covered sky, I blinked away the only tear that would be weak enough to fall.

* * *

**AN: Love it? Hate it? Let me know! I'll write and post the next chapter when I get 60 reviews!**


	5. Love me forever

**AN: Sorry for the late update, it got kind of busy around here. Anyway, I really appreciate your reviews, they mean a lot to me! Like...super a lot. Anyway, here's the next chapter. Enjoy. **

**Always,**

**Rachel**

**

* * *

  
**

After the first tear fell, I couldn't seem to keep the rest at bay. Although I knew this wasn't a mistake, it didn't make leaving Edward any easier. In fact, it made it just a little bit harder; I felt guilty, like I should be running back to him after all we've been through. In this moment, the only strand of life keeping me from unravelling into a regretful mess, was Jacob. He was the only constant thing in my life, the only person who I knew would always be there. It was wrong to think this, I knew. For one day, he too might leave me. His imprint, destined to be somewhere where he could find her, was always in the back of my mind; threatening to destroy all I've fought for, all I've chosen to pursue. She would be someone with dark skin, and beautiful black, long hair. Someone the exact opposite of me, and he would be happy. I decided to push these thoughts away frequently. I knew that what would come, would come. Fate would either bring us together or tear us apart, and I knew there was nothing I could do except put myself out there. The vulnerability is what made me even the tiniest bit unsure, but then I thought about all the times that Jacob exposed his soul to me. Countless times, and I was contemplating one. It just showed how selfish I really was--how much he was willing to give, and how much I was willing to take.

Walking back to the Cullen's was a slow process. I heard the snow and leaves and twigs crunching under my feet with each slow, deliberate step I took. The cold air bit at my nose and skin, and my whole body was shivering with the wind that shook me. I wasn't looking forward to looking at the rest of the family I had chosen to say good bye to. I was putting it off as much as I could, but I was arriving there quickly, and I knew it was something I had to get done with. I broke through the thick trees, and the Cullen house came into view. The enormous white house suddenly looked smaller, probably because of the blanket of snow that covered the contrasting surroundings. There were a few lights on, and I wondered if they had heard the whole thing.

I climbed the steps and stopped at the door, deciding to just walk in. Twisting the knob, I was greeted by Alice, whose expression was bounding with accusation, confusion, sympathy and sadness. My heart stuttered and came to a stop, realizing that they had heard everything. The decision I had made wasn't something I could keep from them, but knowing they had heart the private moments Edward and I had as I said goodbye somehow made everything worse. They heard how I had said goodbye, and although we hadn't said much, the vast silence was enough to say everything I didn't want them to know.

Her cold arms came around me, and more tears fell, not wanting to let her go. I held onto her tightly, breathing in her clean, sweet scent and trying to memorize everything about her. Her musical voice tickled into my ear.

"Bella, I'm going to take you home." She said, gently.

I shook my head, still determined to hold her.

"Bella, this isn't a goodbye, I'm just going to take you home so you can calm down."

Although she was shorter than me, I felt like a child in her arms. She held me, comforted me like a parent, yet related like a sister. I trusted her when she said this wasn't a good bye; Alice would never lie to me. Nodding my head, she led me to the Porsche and opened my door. I climbed in, not bothering with a seat belt. She shut her door and started the car up, grabbing my hand to soothe me. She started to talk when we pulled out of the driveway and onto the main road.

"Bella, you don't have to be so upset." She said softly, "We're not mad, a little confused maybe, but definitely not mad." She turned to look at me and offered a small smile.

My return smile felt more like a grimace.

"We all want to see you with Edward, but we'd love to see you stay human too."

I took a deep breath and swallowed thickly, trying to find my voice. I needed to ask her something, because I was so unsure of anything.

"Alice, can you see my future?"

She pursed her lips and looked up, tilting her head, then after a few seconds she shook it.

"No, nothing." She sighed, adding, "But it's been like that for awhile now."

"Why?" I asked, and my voice sounded so different, harsher.

"There are many possible reasons." She said, looking at me, "It could be that you're undecided of anything, not sure which life to live."

I nodded, figuring this was the most probable. She continued.

"Or it could be that you're in danger of dying, which I don't think is the case." She said, laughing softly.

I felt the corners of my mouth turn up slightly, then fall back down. I felt her eyes go back to the road and she swallowed.

Her voice sounded too sweet to be anything but supportive of me. "And the last option is that you've chosen a certain...werewolf."

Oh. So she couldn't see me because I had chosen Jacob. When she said the words out loud, it made everything so much more real. I was choosing to live, to love Jacob. Family, and kids, eating and sleeping, dying. I would have everything they couldn't, choosing everything that wasn't them. My heart was beating out of my chest, and I tried to slow it down. Alice could hear it, and I was kind of embarrassed about it. It was an indicator of which option was true.

I nodded slowly, trying not to imply anything. Her hand still held mine, rubbing soothing circles, calming me. I didn't want any of them to leave me. They were apart of me, just as Edward had been. They were a second family to me, and I always wanted to be in contact with them.

"Are you," I whispered, taking a slow breath in, "going to leave?"

She was quiet for a minute before she said anything, and I wondered briefly if she had heard me. But then I remembered her senses, and I realized that she was just taking awhile to answer. Deliberating, or deciding how to let me down.

"We're not sure yet. I mean, we can't live here for much longer, so we'd have to go eventually. But we're not sure if we're going to leave right away." She said, a little hesitantly.

"Don't go." I whispered before I even thought.

Alice turned to me, and smiled, emphasizing her words. "Bella, please believe me when I say that we're going to keep in contact with you. You're family to us, and we're going to call and visit. That's not something you have to worry about."

I let out a breath I'd been holding and nodded.

"I still don't want you guys to go."

I heard her sigh next to me.

"It will happen eventually, but don't worry your pretty little head off." She laughed.

I laughed too, and it felt so distant. Like I hadn't laughed in a hundred years, and I was trying to clear the cobwebs out of my system. I hadn't realized we were in front of Charlie's house until she came over and opened my door, pulling me into a long hug. Even though she was an ice cold vampire, she felt so soft in this moment. She was, I realized, very much like a sister to me. So comforting and wise, always knowing what to say. I loved her so much, I never wanted to let her, or the rest of them, go. The sun peeped out of the clouds and illuminated her skin, making her sparkle. It was a sad reminder of the life I'd never have. I'd never be perfect, and beautiful and immortal. Somehow, I was okay with that.

She pulled away and I clung to her. "Can you come in?"

She shook her head, smiling sadly and my heart broke.

"Not today, Bella. Esme and Carlisle need help sorting things out."

More tears fell. "This is all my fault. I'm so, so sorr--"

A sob wracked through my body and my breathes came in lurches. Alice put a hand on each side of my face and forced me to look at her.

"Bella, listen to me. No one is mad. We're happy that you're happy. So stop crying or I'm never going to go shopping with you again."

A laugh broke through my sobs and I held her again. She wiped my tears away and walked me to the door, opening it and pushing me in.

"I'll talk to you soon, Bella." She smiled, offering a wave and walking back to the Porsche.

I watched her drive away, sadness settling in. With Charlie at work, I felt so incredibly lonely here. I turned from the door, shutting it, and walked to the kitchen. I needed something to distract me, something to occupy my hands. I pulled out the ingredients for spaghetti, and started to chop vegetables.

Putting the sautéed vegetables in the sauce, I covered the pot and put the uncooked noodles into the boiling water to cook. I set the timer, waiting.

I sauntered over to the dinner table, sitting on a chair and bringing my knees to my chest. It had been a long day, emotionally exhausting. I had said goodbye to my first love, and broke the hearts of his family. The hardest part was done, though. From here on out, I could finally live my life without restraints. I could pursue Jacob, and we could finally progress in our relationship. He had loved me unrequited for a long time, and it was finally his turn to be loved. He deserved it, even if I didn't. I had finally come to the realization that I was so incredibly in love with him, and now there was nothing holding me back. I couldn't wait to see him, to tell him how much I cared for him. I was excited, truly excited, to see what our love could do, and exactly where it would take us.

The timer went off and I took the noodles out, strained them and set them in a bowl. I put the sauce on low and waited for Charlie to get home. When I heard his car turning into the driveway, I got up and met him at the door, giving him a hug and breathing in his musky scent. He froze at first, then put his ams around me, holding me there for a minute. I had come to appreciate Charlie. He had done so much for me, and I had been so distant. It was time we finally came together, I was staying human after all.

"Well this is different." He said, chuckling.

I looked up and smiled at his crinkly nose. I was so happy that I was choosing to live, keeping Charlie in my life. He really was a great dad, and I was so lucky to have him in my life. He was cautious but concerned, always there and yet, never too probing.

"Dad, I left Edward."

His smile, already huge, got impossibly bigger and he hugged me to his chest again. Despite me being sad earlier, I couldn't help but smile too. This was the right choice, I knew it with all my heart. I would be the best daughter I could from here on out, he deserved it. He had no one else in his life, and it was time that I started being there for him.

"I'm so happy for you Bells. I thought he was going to take you from me." His husky voice said in my ear.

A tear slid down my cheek when I heard his concern. All these months of being so ignorant of Charlie and his feelings, overpowered by my fascination with Edward. It was sad, I had put someone who shared my blood behind me, at the bottom of my list of concerns. I felt guilty now, like the worst daughter in the world.

Looking into his eyes, I said, "I'm sorry, that won't happen again."

He kissed my forehead and let me go. It felt nice to be talking to him again, really talking. Not just two ships passing in the morning, but with actual emotion, feeling. He put his jacket on the rack and sat at the table, sifting through the mail. I made him a plate of dinner, and a small one of my own, and we ate in relative silence. We both weren't really ones to voice our emotions to each other, so once we had made it past the big step, we knew were on the same level, and there was no further need for clarification. When he was finished, he stood up and put his bowl in the sink, and I did the same. I went to grab the soap and sponge to start washing, but he stopped me.

"I'll take care of this tonight." He said.

"Thanks dad." I said, smiling. He nodded once and proceeded to washing them as best he could.

I climbed the stairs quickly, eager to find the comfort and warmth of my bed. Once I opened the door, I stripped my clothes and put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt, feeling the chill in the air.

I looked around my room, feeling as if I hadn't been here in years. Everything was the same, and yet I found new meaning. When I saw the rocking chair, I didn't think of Edward, but Jacob. I thought of the times he had rocked me to sleep, in the months following Edward leaving me. His arms, so warm and secure, made me feel so safe. Even when the world tumbled around me, he was there to pick up the pieces. When I saw my bed, I thought of Jacob, and the time he tried to make me remember the stories he told me. When there was a world that separated us, we found a way to be together. Yes, everything was the same, but so, so different.

Without thinking, I walked over to my dresser, where I found the scrapbook I had made of Edward and I. I opened it hesitantly, and was greeted by our smiling faces. It was a happy time, but it was a time that could never be again. I was done with that chapter of my life, without remorse. I was happy _now_, and that's all I could ask of this life. Carefully, I dug my nails under the tape that made the pictures stick, and I lifted the photo from the page. One by one, they came off, and I set them aside, unsure of what to do with them. I didn't want to throw them away, but I didn't want to be reminded of them everyday. A smile raised on my face as I picked them up, walked them over to the corner of my room and lifted the floorboard they were once hidden in. I set them there nicely, then let the floorboard fall from my hand and hit the floor with a thud. Looking at the ground, the piece that lifted fit perfectly, and if I didn't know, I would have never guessed it was there.

A sharp tap on my window pulled me out of my thoughts and I walked to where it came from, seeing a hulking figure trying to keep balance in the tree. I smiled a huge smile and flung the window open, seeing Jacob's tentative smile pierce through everything else around me

His voice was low, husky, and so, so sweet. "Can I come in?"

I stepped aside, giving him space to jump. "Please."

The second he landed with a thud, I rushed forward, throwing my hands around him and burying my face in his chest. He was clothed for once, in a fitted black shirt and jeans. His arms came around me immediately, and he rested his chin on my head.

His voice vibrated through my body. "I missed you so much."

"You have no idea." I laughed, hanging onto him tighter.

He let go, and guided me to my bed, pulling away the covers and picking me up. I giggled as he set me down on the sheets and came around the bed to the other side, climbing in and pulling me to him with the covers over us. It felt like we were in the tent again, with the blanket over our head, together in a world all our own. No one could touch us here, we were safe from anyone who would ruin this moment. He pulled away a little and looked into my eyes. I smiled as I saw his bright smile shine through the dark, lighting everything up.

"I love you." He whispered, too afraid to shatter this delicate moment with a loud voice.

In the past few hours, I had imagined him saying this in so many different ways, but none of my fantasies had come close to the breathless reality.

"I love you more." I said, looking directly into his eyes.

I saw him look at my mouth for a second before I brought my lips to his with gentleness, slow and sweet. Our lips molded together as I braced my hands on either side of his face, holding him close, but never close enough. Everything in my buzzed, electric, wanting to close the few inches of space between us. This kiss was eager, but soft, frantic, but patient. He touched his lips to mine again and again, his feverish hands pulling through my hair and touching the cold skin at my neck. I felt light-headed, like I wasn't getting enough air, as if my breath was stolen as soon as I took it. His lips grazed my jaw and went down my neck; it felt so right, so natural, like he had done it a thousand times before and would do it a thousand times again.

I don't know how long we were curled against each other on the bed, silently kissing, before Jacob noticed that I was crying. I felt him hesitate, salt walter on his tongue, before he realized what the taste meant.

"Bella. Are you--crying?"

I didn't say anything, because that would only make the reason for my tears more real. Jacob rubbed them away with his thumb, and I tried to stop them the best I could, but endless rivers of tears kept coming.

They were silly tears, simply because they weren't sad. For once in my life, I was happy. I mean _really happy. _For once, I could be myself...and that was enough. The man I loved, loved me back. We were equal, and we had a wonderful, promising future ahead of us. There was nothing stopping us anymore; this world was ours to take. If the world was to end in this instant, I'd be happy. Holding me in his arms was all I'd ever wanted, all I'd ever need.

I looked into his eyes, his beautiful, deep eyes.

"Love me forever." I whispered.

His eyes were intense now, even in the dark, and I could have sworn I saw tears too. I could feel every emotion he had radiating through me with his heat. His arms held me, strong and sure, always there. Constant.

"I've never stopped."

I smiled and pressed my ear to his heart, hearing it's powerful beat. He held me there for the longest time, wanting nothing but the closeness. We were content here, in this little bubble where no one could reach us. If only life was like this, where we were together without interference. We had to protect this love that was so vulnerable to everything around us, where everything could tear us apart. There were a million worries that were worth worrying about, a million frights to be feared. But in this life, there's no time to be afraid of what's bound to happen, what's inevitable. There's only time to prepare, to build the strength to fight against everything that wants us to lose.

We stayed here, for the night, maybe even forever. Instead of falling asleep in his comfortable embrace, I reveled in this feeling, this moment, that was for once all our own.

* * *

**Note: Will write and update next chapter after I get to 85 reviews! Thats only 24 reviews! Come on guys, I see all you lurkers, spare me a minute and I'll write a chapter!**


	6. With all you've got

Chapter 6; With all you've got.

Bright light shone through the blinds over my window, making the sun the first thing I saw in the morning. Despite the warm rays, I felt incredibly cold. My hand automatically searched around for any sign of warmth, of Jacob. When it found none, I lifted my head and raked my eyes over the covers, but I was alone. . I looked towards my desk and saw a note. Stretching first, I clumsily got to my feet and walked over there, picking up the thin piece of paper that was like gold in my hands.

Bella,

I'm sorry I couldn't be with you when you woke up, I had an early patrol. We have a bon fire on the rez later, please come. Be at my house by 6 p.m., and we'll go to First beach together. I love you.

Love,

Jacob

I read his messy script over and over, smiling a little more each time. I was a little disappointed that he left, but my heart was pounding over the sweetness of his letter. I honestly couldn't wait for the bon fire, aside from the worry over how the pack members would react to me. I just wished it wasn't so far away. I looked over at the clock, 11:00 a.m. That was the longest I had ever slept, nightmare free and without Edward, ever. The permanent smile on my face didn't go away, even as a danced down the stairs to get breakfast.

I looked out the window, seeing Charlie's cruiser gone for work. I turned to the fridge and pulled out some eggs, cheese and sausage. I figured I'd make myself a big breakfast, since that would be all I'd eat until the bonfire. I cracked some eggs on a warm pan and added cheese to scramble. I fried the sausage on the same pan and then sat at the table to eat.

I shoved a fork full of eggs in my mouth as I shuffled idly through mail on the table. Bills, bills, more bills. Then my hand closed around a package, a familiar one that had escaped my mind completely since the fight. I hesitantly opened it with shaking hands, reading my Dartmouth acceptance letter among the other pamphlets placed in there. It was strange now, ever thinking about going there. I would never go alone, and now that Jacob and I were, well, together, I couldn't imagine leaving him or this town that had quickly become my home.

Dartmouth was an amazing college, but I couldn't find myself going there. I couldn't see myself living campus life, meeting unfamiliar people and dorming with them. It was a life that may have existed if I hadn't moved here, but I was happier without that option. Maybe I'd go to a local community college, one that was affordable. After all, how could I ever pay for an Ivy League school, when the Cullens were no longer my family? I tossed the package aside, burying it under other pieces of mail that would be ignored, hoping it would never be found.

I got up, cleaned my dishes off and glanced at the clock. It was noon, I had six hours until I was able to see Jacob. I looked around the house, trying to find something to do, deciding to do laundry. I sorted my clothes by colors, then went into Charlie's room and did the same. I did load after load, watching tv during the time it took to finish. Soon it was three o clock and I had to start getting ready at four if I was going to leave by five thirty. I decided to make something to bring to the bon fire, so I pulled out the ingredients for macaroni salad, and quadrupled the recipe. I made it quickly, chopping celery and onions then adding all the ingredients together. I set the pan of it in the fridge to cool, then went upstairs to start getting ready.

I stripped and hopped in the shower, warming up the water first then feeling it with my hand to make sure it was scalding. I let the hot water pour down my back, massaging my scalp and relaxing me. I imagined the warmth as Jacob's hands and shivered at the thought, although I wasn't cold. I washed my hair with my favorite rose shampoo, and washed my body with lavender soap. After shaving my legs, I got out and dried off.

I brushed my hair and plugged in my blow dryer. After successfully drying my hair and giving it volume, I applied some concealer, a light bronzer and a little bit of light-gold eyeshadow from Mac. I rolled on some chapstick, not wanting to overdo the whole look.

I shuffled through my closet stocked by Alice, trying to find a cute dress that I'd actually wear. After looking through everything, I finally decided on a solid colored diamond blue double scoopneck tee dress from, I looked at the label, Victoria's Secret. I groaned silently, and threw it on, looking at myself in my full length mirror.

I looked beautiful, for once I could look at myself in the mirror, not a vampire, and say that I was truly pretty. I smiled at myself, seeing something I never had before. It was a glowing beauty, one that can only be attained by happiness. I was really happy, because I had finally decided to keep my humanity.

It was only missing a necklace. I walked over to my dresser and looked through my jewelry, deciding on a long necklace with a heart lock and three keys. It was gorgeous, and it hung at the perfect length with my dress. I went over to my closet, threw on a pair of gold colored braided slippers, thanks to Alice, glanced at myself one last time and went downstairs.

I looked at the clock and it read 5:27. Perfect timing I thought as I grabbed my keys, the macaroni salad and my bag and headed out the door. I climbed in my truck and started it up, feeling it roar to life under me. I headed left down the main road, turning where the sign pointed to La Push. There was about five miles of tree-surrounded road before I hit the treaty line, right by the bait shop. I trudged down the road, passing Third and Second beaches on my left. The trees cleared when First Beach came into view, and I saw the small store the Atearas owned right by the small parking area. Quateata point was clearly visible, and from a distance I saw people jumping off it's cliffs. I looked ahead, passing the small boat harbor and turning left into Jacob's driveway when his house came into view. As soon as he heard my truck, he bounded out of the door, looking sexier than ever in a black button-up shirt and dark jeans.

I felt my heart hammer in my chest as I climbed out of the truck, grabbing the pan of macaroni salad behind me. Jacob met me, and when he saw me, I saw his breath hitch and he swallowed thickly. I felt a triumphant smile rise on my face as he closed the steps between us, slowly, like a predator trapping their prey. I felt myself stepping back, my back hitting the door of my truck. The macaroni was out of my arms then, set on top of the truck by large, warm hands. The look in his eyes was feral almost, laced with desire. His eyes, black as his cropped hair, raked up and down my body, memorizing every curve and every detail that was so unfamiliar. I felt myself leaning forward as he did, meeting him halfway. He pressed his mouth to mine, parting my lips and sighed, tasting my breath. He listened to my most inaudible gasp as he wrapped his arms around me. Every one of my senses was whispering to me over and over to get closer to him, as close as I could. He twined his hands in my hair and we kissed until we had no more breath and got closer until the distant noises around us brought him back to his senses. I made a soft noise of disappointment as he disentangled himself from me, aching with wanting more. I knew he was trying to take this slow, but I wanted to race through this love that was so new to us.

He looked at me in the eyes, "You're beautiful."

I felt a blush rise up through my cheeks, lighting my face on fire. "You are too."

He grabbed my hand, then lifted the pan of macaroni from the truck's roof and we started to walk towards First Beach. The air in La Push was comforting; it smelled like nature and salt water. It allowed me to breathe easier, knowing that I was safe. Although I was safe, I was still nervous; what would everybody think of me?

"Who's all going to be there?" I asked, trying to be nonchalant.

He looked at me, "The whole pack."

I nodded quietly and looked ahead, towards the ocean.

"Don't be nervous," he said, "everyone loves you."

He saw right through me.

"Bella, they love you because I love you. And now they love you even more because you love me back." His eyes were trained on me, and I looked into them, getting lost. I pressed my lips together at his words, touched that they cared so much about Jacob, and his relationship with me.

I swallowed before finding my voice. "How did they ever love me, when they knew I was going to get married to their enemy?" It came out softly, almost inaudibly.

His hand tightened around mine, and I saw his jaw clench. His voice was harsher, "They knew you meant a lot to me. Despite how many times you had broken my heart, I seemed to love you more. When we share a pack mind, they saw how much I loved you, and how easy our relationship was."

I tried to see the past few months through Jacob's eyes, and I found it hard. I couldn't understand how he managed to love me when I had hurt him so many times. I squeezed his hand, trying to give myself strength.

"I'm so sorry. I was so blind before, I can see that now." I tried to blink back the tears, not wanting to ruin my makeup. "If it weren't for your persistence, I might be a vampire right now. Or dead." I breathed. "So thank you, for loving me, even if I didn't love you the right way back."

I looked up at him and he leaned down to press his lips to mine gently, accepting my apology. We continued walking until we hit the beach, our feet digging in the black sand that littered the beach around the drift wood. I breathed in, smelling hot dogs, burgers, steak.

"I'm hungry." Jacob said, smiling.

I rolled my eyes. "When are you not?"

"Never." He laughed. I laughed with him, and I felt light.

Everyone started to come into view and I felt butterflies assault my stomach. Sam, Paul, Jared, Embry, Quil, Seth, Brady, Collin, and others were around the fire or by the picnic tables full of food. Emily, Kim, Leah and other girls were there too, some I recognized, and others I didn't.

Jacob snaked a hand around my waist protectively and squeezed me to him. He was there to comfort me, and to let everyone know that I was his. I smiled with satisfaction, feeling like I had won something for once. As soon as we were in view, Embry bounded over to us, Quil at his heals and Seth following.

"Bella!" Embry grinned, pushing Jake away and grabbing me in a massive bear hug. He let go and Quil's arms were around me then, and after that, Seths were too.

"Hey guys." I said shyly, not really knowing where we stood.

"You're looking pretty hot these days, Bella." Quil said appreciatively, winking at me. The act itself was so impish, I couldn't help but laugh.

"Thanks", I blushed.

I expected Jacob to slap him, hit him or yell at him, but instead he just grinned.

"You know she's mine Ateara." He said, pulling me to him and kissing my temple.

Quil shrugged, looking right into his eyes. "For now."

Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Jake, Sam wants to talk to you."

Embry pointed behind him towards where Sam was standing by the fringe of trees. He wasn't looking in this direction, instead he was talking to Emily who was having a serious conversation with him. Jacob nodded, turned to me and placed a soft kiss on my lips.

"I'll be right back."

I nodded, feeling awkward being left with the guys. Jacob left and we all looked at each other for a moment before Embry broke the silence.

"Well let's go find something fun to do." He said, stepping forward and linking his arm with mine in a feminine way.

"Alright." I said, laughing.

"Dude, we're not going to be seen with you if you act like that." Quil shouted as Embry and I started walking away.

"Suit yourself!" Embry shouted back, smiling big white teeth.

Turning to me, "Have you been to the Second Beach tide pools?" he asked.

I thought about it for a second, trying to remember whether or not I had. "The first time I came here, you know, with Jessica and Lauren, we went. Were you there?" I asked, trying to remember his face when back then I was only focused on the Cullen's secret.

"Yeah, you don't remember me? I had longer hair I guess." He said, motioning to his cropped cut.

I felt bad for not remembering them. "Well a lot was going on at that time. I mean, I just moved here. There was a lot I forgot about."

"Jake sure didn't forget that day. He thinks about it all the time; kind of a pain in the ass for the rest of us." He laughed, shaking his head. "He really liked your hair that day apparently."

I laughed too, putting my head in my hands to hide the blush. "God, that was so messed up."

"Using him?" He said with raised eyebrows, looking at me. "Nah he deserved it. Naïve little punk."

"And look at him now. All grown up."

"Hardly. I mean, the outside maybe. But he's still a jerk on the inside. Just like always." He smiled, joking.

I tried to relate to what he was saying, but I never could remember Jacob being a jerk. He said he was still the same, and I could see the same friend I always had at times, but everything was so different now. "I miss back then, you know? He was so...innocent."

"Not a word I would use to describe him, but yeah. It was all less complicated back then." He nodded slowly, focusing his eyes toward the ocean at something I couldn't see.

"I'm sorry. For hurting him; I know it hurts the entire pack." I swallowed. "It won't happen again."

He looked at me, contemplating for a moment, then smiled. "I forgave you."

I smiled back and hugged him. His warmth was the same as Jacob's, but the scent and feel was so, so different.

We reached the tide pools then, and they were bigger than I remembered, although I was still awed by the entire ecosystems that managed to fit in a small hole. Like separate worlds, each had something else to offer. Some had fish, others had crabs, while a couple only had algae and seaweed.

"Look at this." I said, motioning for him to come over to a tide pool with a school of brightly colored fish.

He walked over and looked at it, squatting down to see them closer. "Pretty", he mumbled.

We walked back to the bon fire, noticing the sun starting to come down over the horizon. Jacob was nowhere in sight, but Sam was, which I thought was odd. When I asked Embry about it, he said (quite hesitantly), that he was at a meeting, discussing something important with the Elders. I didn't push it further, deciding that if Jacob wanted to tell me about it when he came back, he would.

Everyone was grouped over by the food tables, making plates and chatting happily. Most of the wolves were having a hot dog eating contest that I decided not to participate in. Instead, I walked up to the tables, grabbing a paper plate and scooping small portions of food onto my plate. I smiled as I saw the macaroni salad that I had made almost gone. At least they liked it.

It was a little chilly out, so I decided to sit by the fire on a driftwood log. It wasn't the one Jacob and I always sat at, but it was close enough. Although it had only been a couple hours, I missed him horribly. The other Quileutes around here were all the same color and all friendly, but they didn't have Jacob's laugh, his touch, his voice. There was nothing in this world that could be a substitute.

"Congratulations on finally getting a brain, Swan."

Brought out of my thoughts, I turned behind me to see Leah. I was surprised by the fact that she was talking to me, friendly or not. She was making an effort and that was something I never expected.

"Hey Leah."

She smiled and nodded, "Bella."

"I figured you'd be wolfing down hotdogs with the rest of them, no pun intended of course." I laughed, trying to make conversation.

She was quiet for a few seconds. "I would, but seeing as I'm going to stop phasing soon, I don't need to put down any more food than I need to. My metabolism is going to be slowing down."

I looked at her, but she looked away. "You're going to stop phasing?"

She swallowed. "Yeah. I'm not getting anything out of this whole wolf deal." She sighed, sitting down next to me. "I'm just wasting my years running around as an animal when I should be doing things normal 19 year olds should be doing. College, boyfriends, parties."

I nodded silently, lost in her words. It seemed like she was bitter about the whole thing. Even if Jacob was before, he got used to it and started to take what he was given. "How do you take the whole werewolf thing? I mean all the other guys find it fulfilling I guess. Not trying to pry or anything."

She thought for a moment, trying to word her answer. "They may find it a duty to protect our people. But I'm not supposed to be born to do this. I'm a girl, I shouldn't be doing guys work." She laughed bitterly, no humor at all. "This is just dragging my life down, when I should be trying to move on."

Move on. From Sam. "Do you think you'll imprint?" I whispered.

"No." Her response was immediate and cold.

I hesitated, then quietly said, "Jake doesn't think he will either."

Waves crashed to the side of us, and Leah looked toward the ocean, trying not to give away the look on her face that would let me down. "Bella, the only reason I don't think I'll imprint is because I'm the freak in this business." She shook her head, looking down at her hands. "The other guys...they're made for this. They're supposed to pass down the wolf gene, they're strong enough to do that. Especially Jacob; you don't know how strong he really is." She sighed, finally looking at me. "Many have imprinted already, and I think its only a matter of time before the rest do too."

So it was only a matter of time. I knew this of course, I had always known that. But hearing it being said, just made the whole situation more real. Something I never expected to happen, but was always prepared to see. I couldn't answer. I couldn't even breathe.

Her stronger voice brought me out of my thoughts. "Bella. I know it's hard to think about, harder to imagine him with someone else. But the fact is, it very well may happen. You have to be able to protect yourself from breaking when he does."

"I don't know how." I whispered.

We sat in silence for a minute, not saying anything at all. We were lost in our thoughts, trying to figure out what to do, when there was nothing to do at all.

She whispered, because she couldn't find the strength to say it louder. "Speaking from a broken heart, don't get into a relationship with any of the unimprinted unless you're prepared to let them go the second they find their other half."

I shook my head and smiled bitterly. I had thought this over so many times, assured my self that this would be true. But now that I actually imagined it, I could never do that, never let go of what we had fought so hard to have. "I can't do that. As much as I convince myself I can, I just could never let him go."

"You'd have no choice. When Jacob finds his soul mate, there will be nothing stopping him from loving her. No matter how hard you try, you'll always be second best. No matter how hard he fights it, he'll always want her more than you."

"How did you," I swallowed, finding my voice, "get over Sam?"

It was a while before she answered. I figured she was contemplating, deciding how to word her long response. I realized, though, that she was trying to yield the tears from spilling.

Her voice was quiet and she looked away at the ocean. "I never have."

We were silent for a long time before I whispered too, "Is it hard to watch them?"

We both looked across the fire, where Sam and Emily held each other on the sand ten meters away, saying nothing at all but radiating so much love that it was intoxicating.

"When I look at them, I see us. Everything that we were supposed to have, they've got. I'm bitter, and everybody knows it. Jacob is the only person who understands me, he's been through heartbreak before. And even he wins; you've finally realized what's good for you." She whispered, continuing. "I'm mad that we were torn apart, by my cousin of all people. But no matter how much I'm angry over the whole thing, I can't deny that they belong together. They're exactly right for each other."

When I didn't say anything, she continued again.

"Look, Bella. I'm not trying to break you guys apart. I'm just letting you know what's a possibility, so that you're not taken by surprise one day when he finds his other half."

I nodded, trying to find something to say when I struggled to find my voice. "I know. It's good that you've told me. And as much as I'm worried about what's probable, I can't find it in me to leave him. It may be hard to believe that I've fallen in love with him so much lately, but I have. I couldn't imagine my life without him anymore. So even if he does imprint, I'm fine with with staying here and just being his friend. No matter how much it will hurt."

"Imagine how much it will hurt him too, though. You'll still mean a lot to him, and he's very perceptive when it comes to pain. He'll look at you every day and wish he could fix something that's out of his control." Her eyes were locked on Sam now, finding meaning in her own words.

My quiet voice broke the silence. "So what do I do?"

She looked at me with her big brown eyes boring into mine. "Love him with all you've got. So much that you'll find the strength in you to let him go if the time comes. His happiness, no matter how hard it hurts, needs to be worth more than yours."

I nodded and swallowed the dryness in my throat. "Will you be there?" I whispered, looking at her. "I mean, if it does happen. Will you be there to help me?"

She looked at me for awhile, deciding between friend or foe, enemy or ally. She finally nodded, "I'll be there."

I captured her in a hug, her heat radiating through me like Jacob's. "Thanks Leah. I really appreciate it."

She pulled away, then looked behind her to see something I didn't. "Now I've gotta go. Your boyfriends about to kill me."

I waved to her as she left, feeling my heart pounding in my chest, and thoughts racing through my head. Like my world had been turned upside down, everything I knew had become unfamiliar. Everything I had been sure of, I was absolutely confused about.

I hadn't heard his footsteps, but Jacob suddenly appeared right in front of me. I tried to look up at him, meet his eyes, but I couldn't. I couldn't allow myself to look into his yes; the very eyes that would look at someone else and tell him they're destined for each other. I tried to lift my lips into a smile, but I couldn't will the muscles to form. I breathed deep, trying to calm myself down.

He kneeled then, holding my face between his large hands, and made me look into his eyes. His beautiful, beautiful wide eyes, fringed with thick lashes. Once I saw them, I couldn't look away.

"Bella, I'm not going to imprint." He said, surely.

I shook my head, deflecting his words. Those eyes, those eyes. I couldn't look away.

"You don't know that." I whispered.

He smiled at me, bright and perfect teeth glowing in the dark. "Bella, nothing can break our relationship apart."

"You're wrong."

"How do you know that?"

I was so frustrated at this point, I threw my hands in the air. "Just look around Jake! Look at everyone who has imprinted and tell me they didn't leave anyone behind. Tell me that they don't love their imprints more than anyone else in the world."

"I'm not saying they don't." He said, quietly.

I laughed without humor, "Then what are you saying, because I'm not really understanding your point."

He shrugged, not concerned. "I'm saying that maybe I already imprinted on you."

Did he not see what imprints looked like? They couldn't stay away. "Why were you able to stay away from me then? It's not possible Jacob."

"I was never able to stay away from you." He shook his head, still looking into my eyes.

"Yes you were! Don't you remember when you first turned into a wolf? You told me to stay the hell away."

"But look where we are now. We figured a way to get around that. I could never stay away." He said, tucking a stray hair behind my ear.

Silence passed us for a moment. "Everyone else though... it's different for them. They knew when they imprinted, right from the start."

He contemplated this for a moment, looking at something behind me. Then he met my eyes. "Maybe it's because I already knew you, I already loved you. With them, they were new to their imprints. Maybe our bond was so strong, that it wasn't easy to tell."

I shook my head again, "It's impossible, Jacob."

"So what if it isn't?"

Did he not care what would happen if he did? "So what? If you imprint, I won't be able to handle it. Do you know how hurt I'll be?"

"I won't allow it." He said softly.

"You won't have a choice! You'll love her more than you care about me." I felt tears steak down my face. I had tried so hard to keep them away, but letting them fall was inevitable.

"That's not true."

"Yes it is." I whispered.

"Bella, I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. Nothing can tear you out of my life, not even the vampires. I've fought for you, I'm not going to lose you."

He was comparing this to a fight he'd won, a game. "This isn't something you can fight against. It's something we can't control."

He raised his voice, letting my face go and putting his in his hands. He looked up at me. "So then why don't we just live life? We finally have each other, why can't we just be happy? No matter the time we have?" He whispered at the end.

"I don't want to lose you."

"Then stop saying you will." He said, grasping my face and placing a gentle kiss on my lips. "I'll be here, Bella. I always have."

I swallowed, trying to trust him. "Promise?"

"Promise." He said, kissing me again. Then he stood up, placing a hand in front of me. I took it and he helped me up to my feet, then spun me around and yanked me to his back for a piggyback ride. My slippers fell off as he started jogging.

I laughed through my drying tears. "Where are we going?"

He was running then, at a fast but human speed. Sand kicked up behind him as he headed towards the water. My eyes widened as I realized what he was doing. It was freezing out, I didn't even want to think about the temperature of the water. My arms constricted tighter around his neck.

"Jake it's too cold!" I shrieked, still laughing.

He laughed too, then let me off of his back and wrapped me in his arms. It was warm there, incredibly warm. As the freezing water hit my skin, I felt nothing but happiness and comfort. His arms, even if they weren't toasty enough to make me content in this water, were home. I didn't care if the water was ice on my skin, he was here, protecting me from the world, even from myself. I laid my head on his chest and wrapped my legs around his waist. His chin was on my head and his hot breath was huffing by my ear. There were distant noises from the bon fire that reached us, and the glow of the flames lit up the sky. The stars were bright against their dark background, each millions of miles away.

For once, I was here, in this moment. I wasn't regretting the past, or anxious about the future. I didn't worry about all that I've done, or stress about what may happen. Right now, I was in Jacob's arms, and there wasn't anything else that could reach me. Imprinting be damned, I was living in bliss. I had gotten everything I'd wanted, and I was going to enjoy it; not worry about if it was going to be whisked away. There was always a beautiful dark haired girl in the back of my mind for Jacob, but Jacob's heat had made it vanish without a trace. I closed my eyes as Jacob's hot lips pressed against mine, moving with all the emotions he conveyed. And then I opened my eyes and it was just Jacob and me- nothing anywhere but Jacob and me- him looking into my eyes with unfathomable love, and me trusting it with all my heart. We kissed, we swam, we held, we talked. Even in the night's darkness, where the fire burned a mile away and the only light was the distant stars, the world had never been so bright.

* * *

Links to Bella's outfit and who I see Leah as are on my profile. Love you all, please please PLEASE review. I'm begging :x

Rachel


End file.
